There are rules around these things

It is that time of year again ladies.... please read the following pledge and THEN look at the attached pictures!! (Ewwwwwwwwwwwww )

As a member, I pledge to follow The Rules when I wear sandals and other open-toe shoes:

1. I promise to always wear sandals that fit. My toes will not hang over and touch the ground, nor will my heels spill over the backs. And the sides and tops of my feet will not pudge out between the straps.

2. I will go polish-free or vow to keep the polish fresh, intact and chip-free. I will not cheat and just touch up my big toe.

3. I will sand down any mounds of skin before they turn hard and yellow.

4. I will shave the hairs off my big toe.

5. If a strap breaks, I won't duct-tape, pin, glue or tuck it back into place hoping it will stay put. I will get my shoe fixed or toss it -- no matter how much it hurts.

6. I will not live in corn denial; rather I will lean on my good friend Dr. Scholl's if my feet need him.

7. I will resist the urge to buy jelly shoes at Payless for the low, low price of $4.99 even if my feet are small enough to fit into the kids' sizes. This is out of concern for my safety, and the safety of others. No one can walk properly when standing in a pool of sweat, and I would hate to take someone down with me as I fall and break my ankle.

8. I will take my toe ring off toward the end of the day if my toes swell and begin to look like Vienna sausages.

9. I will be brutally honest with my girlfriend/sister/co-worker when she asks me if her feet are too ugly to wear sandals. Someone has to tell her that her toes look like they've been dragged behind her car on the way to work and no sandal in the world is going to make her feet look good.

10. I will promise if I wear flip flops, that I will ensure they actually flip and flop, making the correct noise while walking and I will swear NOT to slide or drag my feet while wearing them.

11. I will promise to go to my local beauty school at least once per season and have a real pedicure (they are about $20 and worth EVERY penny). I say spend another $20.00 and get an even better one.

And finally . . .
12. I will promise to throw away any white/off-white sandals that show signs of wear . . . nothing is tackier than dirty white sandals .. . .

For all our sakes, please don't keep this to yourself - pass it on.

Today's Nonsense

Four jobs I have had:
1. Cashier
2. Sandwich maker
3. Housekeeping staff (hotel)
4. Admin Assistant

Four nicknames I've been given:
1. Thunder Thighs
2. Two Tonne Tessy
3. Jennifer Peacock
4. Jenna

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Grease
2. Grease II
3. Wizard of Oz
4. Star Wars - Return of the Jedi

Four places I have lived:
1. Richmond
2. Vancouver
3. Surrey
4. -

Four TV shows I love to watch:
1. 24
2. LOST
3. Restaruant Makeover
4. Flip This House

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Mexico
2. England
3. Hawaii
4. Amsterdam

Four things I could NOT live without: (in no particular order)
1. My Mom
2. Bill
3. Aaron
4. Chocolate

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Roast Chicken
2. Prime Rib
3. Chocolate
4. Pasta

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. with Bill
2. by the pool waiting for Manuel to bring me my margarita
3. Jogging in a park
4. on a plane going Spain

DATING RITUALS

ENGLISH WOMEN

First date : You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date : You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date : You get to have sex, but only in the
missionary position.

IRISH WOMEN
First Date : You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date : You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary : You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN
First Date : You take her to a play and an expensive
restaurant.
Second Date : You meet her parents and her Mom makes
spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date : You have sex, she wants to marry you and
insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary : You already have 5 kids together and hate
the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary : You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN
First Date : You get dynamite head.
Second Date : You get more great head.
Third Date : You tell her you'll marry her and never get head
again.

CHINESE WOMEN
First date : You get to buy her an expensive dinner, but nothing
happens.
Second date : You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing
happens again.
Third date : You don't even get to the third date and you already
realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date : Meet her parents.
Second date : Set the date of the wedding.
Third date : Wedding night.

AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN
First Date : You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date : You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive
dinner.
Third Date : You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date : She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date : You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date : She's pregnant.
Third Date : She moves in. One week later ~ her mother, father,
his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her
grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her
sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and
beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but
now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
The point? Don't you just love Irish women?