Canadian Politics

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells. The farmer's favorite rooster was old Harmarton, a very fine specimen he was too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Harmarton’s bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.

The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Harmarton had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one. John was so proud of Harmarton, he entered him in the county fair and Harmarton became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result... The judges not only awarded Harmarton the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly Harmarton was a politician in the making.

Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention!

Bill’s Christmas Eve Tourtiere

Bill is from Montreal. He is not French Canadian but he likes a traditional Tourtiere on Christmas Eve. It is a pork meatpie that is eaten before mid-night Mass. (Only we won't be waiting until that late and we don't go to Mass.)

This is my first time making one and I have the filling simmering on the stove right now. As far as I can tell I am right on track. It is looking just as it should and preliminary tasting says it is gonna be good and will garner me two thumbs up from Bill. But then, he is very very rarely disappointed in the food I make.

It is a simple recipe. I am using frozen pie crust and half beef and half pork. I have blended the recipe found at Allrecipes with one from my Aunt France who is definitely French Canadian. I have omitted cinnamon and added a bit of poultry seasoning. Maybe you’ll try it sometime. Click here for Meat Pie (Tourtiere). I'm serving a salad and a nice bottle of Merlot with it.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas Jokes!

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says,"What denomination?" The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists."

Things to remember before the Christmas Party. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. British Constitution
3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
1. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.
2. Nope, no more beer for me.
3. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
4. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
5. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The chief of staff at the hospital remarked to the director of nursing that there seemed to be an awful lot of expectant nurses in their hospital.
As they were walking down the hall, he was becoming more and more concerned about a possible staff shortage as everyone seemed pregnant.
He began to ask the director when each pregnant nurse they passed was due. "When is she do?" "Some time in late September."
"How about her?" "Late September."
"And her?" "September."
"Jesus!" exclaimed the chief of staff. "How about her?" "I have no idea, sir. Norma wasn't at last year's Christmas Party."

Jennifer's Christmas Fitness Struggle (no joke!)

My eating hasn’t been on plan but at least I’ve been having something for breakfast. (230 calories, 23 g protein, 24g carb, 5g fat) And 3 out of 5 days this week I did SOMETHING for fitness. I ran on Tuesday in the rain for 30 mins and did 30 mins. on Wednesday and Thursday on our recumbent bike downstairs while watching the Food Channel. My thought was to at least still be kinda still in the groove of following a fitness lifestyle instead of giving it all up for gluttony for two weeks. My main downfall while I’ve been off work since Dec. 19 (to Jan. 2) is the constant glass of wine I have – after 2-3pm that is. It just makes the chores and baking go that much better, you know?

I know I really rely on the structure at the office too when it comes to meal times and even my workout. Bill delivers a protein smoothie to me while I get ready for work in the morning at about 7:30 am. That’s my first meal. Then at work for coffee about 10:30 I’ll have an egg on rye from the cafeteria or oatmeal and protein powder or a RTD chocolate shake for my mid-meal. Lunch time I go to the gym a short walk from the office. If I bring a cooked chicken breast from home I’ll get salad in the cafeteria to go with it. But often I’ll get a cold turkey wrap or cold roast beef wrap made fresh in the caf. Mid-afternoon snack will be a protein bar (170 cals. 17g protein, 17g carb 4g fat) or cottage cheese with frozen raspberries or shrimp and dip. Dinner is pork tenderloin done one of a thousand ways or chicken (ditto), or extra lean ground beef done one of many ways too. We also have ground turkey or turkey breast steaks often.

But hey, Christmas is a bit more lax. Cooked a wonderful Chicken Jerusalem (click for recipe) on Thursday night with brussel sprouts and boxed stuffing. Bill and I loved it and Aaron didn’t complain either. (always a good thing.) Chicken breasts with any sauce is a good thing! Oh, like Chicken Tikka Masala, or Butter Chicken on basmati…haven’t had that in a while. I guess next week is the week to get that out of our system – then its back on plan and only splurging on free days. We had Tacos on Monday. We ordered Pizza and KFC on Tuesday because Aaron had a friend over for a sleep-over. I didn’t think he would be ‘in-to’ the Adobo Pork Tenderloin with creamy cilantro sauce…we had saved that for Wednesday. Friday is always Pizza night but I hope to modify that in the New Year with a healthier homemade alternative…as I know my mom and dad got a pizza stone for Bill for Christmas. (He’s never met a pizza he didn’t like – he had the shirt to prove it).

Have a very Merry Christmas everyone and a peaceful and prosperous New Year.

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

The Official Canadian Temperature Conversion Chart

50° Fahrenheit (10° C)
Californians shiver uncontrollably. Canadians plant gardens.

35° Fahrenheit (1.6° C)
Italian Cars won't start. Canadians drive with the windows down

32° Fahrenheit (0 ° C)
American water freezes . Canadian water gets thicker.

0° Fahrenheit (-17.9° C)
New York City landlords finally turn on the heat. Canadians have the last cookout of the season.

-60° Fahrenheit (-51° C)
Mt.St. Helens freezes. Canadian Girl Guides sell cookies door-to-door.

-100° Fahrenheit (-73° C)
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Canadians pull down their ear flaps.

-173° Fahrenheit (-114° C)
Ethyl alcohol Freezes. Canadians get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.

-460° Fahrenheit (-273° C)
Absolute zero; all atomic motion stops. Canadians start saying "cold, eh?"

-500° Fahrenheit (-295° C)
Hell freezes over. The Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup

Pregnant Turkey?

Okay, I got this from my mom by email today. It refers to Thanksgiving but it is still very apropo, don't you think?

One year at Thanksgiving my mom went to my sister'shouse for the traditional feast. Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick on her. She told my sister that she needed something from the store.When my sister left, my mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey, and re-stuffed the turkey. She then placed the bird(S) back in the oven.When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing. When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the little bird.With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Patricia, you've cooked a pregnant bird!" At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry.It took the family two hours to convince her that turkeys lay eggs! She is a Blonde.

Now, this is a picture of me at the office last week. Close one eye and squint while looking - but don't look too long...

Christmas Baking

Today's Quote

If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have achieved half your failure.

-David V.A. Ambrose

If you were wondering what to make to take this Christmas season you should try these. I made these twice this week because they are SO easy and I had all the ingredients on hand. Sent some home with 2 of Aaron's friends each day I made them. I will have to try Splenda instead of sugar next time. I use Kraft Light Peanut butter. These are a hit!

KRAFT 3-Step Peanut Butter Chip Bars
1 cup Kraft Smooth Peanut Butter
½ cup sugar
1 egg
2 squares Baker's Semi-Sweet Chocolate, cut in chunks

MIX together peanut butter, sugar and egg.
SPREAD in a small baking pan. Sprinkle with chocolate chunks.
BAKE at 325 F for 20 mins.
TIP let squares cool completely before cutting.

Print the recipe from the website:
http://www.kraftcanada.com/EN/Recipes/RecipeTemplate?recipe_id=83243

Here's a picture of my No. 1 son taken yesterday. Okay, he's my only son.

Is it really that funny?

Just a quick one before the end of the night.
Is it really that funny to post a picture on a motivational fitness site 'subtly' flipping the bird? Or completely naked save for a well positioned product placement? Save that self-absorption for a BLOG.
Or how about calling your friends a retard? ("don't take any offense. I say it to my friends all the time!"). WHAT??? Would you call your black friends Niggers? Just to be funny? I DON'T THINK SO.
Help me here, my American Blends - I just don't see the humour in that. Is this my Canadian perspective?

DISCLAIMER - HEY - this is my site! If I can't say here, what's been on my mind and niggling at me ...then I might implode.

Tiger

Tiger came into our lives in July '04. He adopted us.
I'd been noticing animal hair on the front door mat. I thought hmmm the people before us had a dog - but how could our mat have all that hair. One day Bill said hey, come here. And we looked out the bay window and there was this orange tabby cat curled up there on the mat in the warm sunshine like he owned the place! Bill said he has seen the cat there before (but he never told me about him). We thought of all kinds of stories about how he came to be at our house. I started to leave food and water outside for him. He seemed really shy so we thought he was a wild cat, or stray - as wild as a cat can be in this residential area. We slowly started to offer to let him in but he was so nervous. Eventually he came in and took up permanent residence. He's a bit of an aloof old codger. He doesn't show any affection other than that massaging thing some cats do. But he's nice to have around. I worry about him if he is outside in the cold all night. I love to see him eat with gusto.

Lucy is the complete opposite of Tiger. He tolerates her but that is about it. She sure makes up for his lack of energy. She chases him and picks on him and grabs his tail and jumps on his back. She was only 8 weeks old when we got her at the end of August. She would follow him around and pester him and it reminded me of the way Lucy pester Charlie Brown - the way she would grab the football out from under him just as he took a running kick.

Time Wasted

Holy dynamite, a day can be wasted just Blogging and reading Blogs!

I would like to thank Christie and Suzanne for their nice welcome, in addition to Jeremy and Jen whom I messaged earlier.

So what I did accomplish today was getting Lucy's claws clipped at the Vet and the grocery shopping done. Didn't get the bathrooms cleaned, the papers put away, the tree fininshed, the fiing done. Luckily I'm on vacation starting tomorrow until Jan. 3. My favourite saying when someone has asked if I am ready for Christmas is "Well, I'm not behind yet." Just have a few things left to do and I am on track.

Here's a picture from Septemeber'05 of me before going to the 25 year High School Reunion..

I've been 'outted'.

So, I've had this blog for some time but I've neglected it. Its a dicipline and I have been putting my energy elsewhere. Lame as that is. Jeremy presented me to all the Bloggers from Tracker - I wonder if that is what a 'blend' is? A blogger friend = bl-end?
I like meeting new people and I have found some peoples thoughts, ideas, opinions to be really intriguing. OTHERS, not so much!
I really really need the help and support with my fitness and nutrition. Man, it is such WORK eating right. I LOVE food. (I'm sure some of you other Cancers feel the same way. I should be 300 lbs the way I watch and read about food all the time. ) I just find the clean eating to be so BORING. And it is hard work keeping fresh food in the house. No one likes lettuce or salad that is looking pretty lifeless itself.

Your Pimp Name Is...

Her Majesty Kisses

What's" Your Pimp Name?